Since this is another free post, guess what… Stream of consciousness time!
I’ve been reading this book about Gustav Klimt’s portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer and I’ve left sticky notes inside and I have the prettiest handwriting??? Like, wow, I’m amazing. The painting is pretty good too but I’m talking about my favorite subject: me.
Speaking of me, which we always should be, I’m amazing.
Honestly, I don’t know what to write about. I guess when I can’t think of anything my brain just complements me. It’s pretty great if we’re being real. I’ll just walk passed a mirror and cat-call myself. Pink wig, thick ass, give ’em whiplash. I don’t have a pink wig but, like, my mom gave me too much to work with… If ya catch my drift.
Nicki Minaj is pretty dope though. I forget when she said it but there was this concert and she told all the fans there to stay in school and “not depend on no man fo’ shit.” I don’t even have a man to depend on but I won’t let you down Nicki!! (Real talk, how dope would it be to have a sugar daddy? But, like, I don’t want to give said daddy any sugar. Just get his money.)
I had to google something vague to find something to link and apparently she tells her fans to be independent and stay in school all the time. Like, if people think she’s a bad role model they need to get their priorities straight.
Also, when did google become a verb? When did it fully replace “look up,” it’s literally the same number of letters… I guess it has to do with syllables, but you know what?
If you actually watch the video, the dragqueen in the back dressed as Taylor Swift is from Gainesville. Her name is Jade Jolie but I could give two fucks because (spoiler) she doesn’t win.
Most of my life this year has been Rupaul. He’s just so great??? Dragqueens are great. If you’re telling me a man in a wig with his nuts three feet up his own groin isn’t hilarious please leave. I don’t know where they put it but it’s nowhere to be seen.
I didn’t know what to do when I got home from class today so I taught myself how to juggle. It’s not that hard? It just took a lot of concentration and repeatedly saying “blue, pink, red” in my head.
Oh, yo! I adopted a cat! It’s kind of depressing coming home and not being greeted so why not give a pet a loving home? Her name is Onion, she’s grey, I love her. She gave me this nasty cut on my hand but I deserved it, to be honest. I kiss her way too much when I get home so her immediate reflex when I pick her up is to completely cover my mouth with her paws. It’s so cute. That fucking bitch, making me feel shit.
I remember when I first got her I was like “you can’t let her see you naked” out of respect, ya know. But like she watches me poop now so I guess we’re at that level. It’s really weird… Like only when I poop.. I don’t know how she knows. She. Just. Does. It’s probably some power move, she hops up on the counter to be at eye level. Oh my fucking god that’s so weird. SHE NEEDS TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE. What does this mean. I’m looking at her nap right now, I can only imagine the plans she’s concocting. World domination? Maybe. Finding new ways to wake me up in the middle of the night? Probably. Fucking up my couch? Definitely.
It’s not even like I didn’t get her a scratching post, she just wants to scratch the hell out of my couch. There’s drugs in the scratching post! Cat drugs, not like actual drugs but like I talked about taking seven bars before so you never know. Oh my god, what if I had a serious pill addiction but you’d never know because I don’t look like I do anything. I mean, it’s not like I do anything anyway.
I do want to give my cat cat xanax. Like xanax made specifically for cats. I have to take her down to Miami for Thanksgiving and she freaked out during a 30 minute car ride so imagine 6 hours. I think cat xanax would be a good idea. I thought about just giving her cat nip but imagine my cat tripping and stuck in a cage, she’d probably never trust me ever again.
Why haven’t humans invented the technology to talk to animals? I need to know what she knows. I also want to talk to the squirrels outside and see what they know. They probably have so much tea.
I literally had a tea addiction my senior year of high school. I just live for drama. I got the tea-est tea in February!!!! Scalding hot tea. I was shook. It made me happy but it totally shouldn’t have. When I heard about it, it literally felt like heroin, or something white people do to get fucked up, running through my veins. It was so good. Like, a moment of ecstasy. I’d write it out but it’s so messed up.
Alright well I got to 895 words, bye. (905)